This wasn’t always my story… the Professional photo, the book, those awesome sayings that might lead one to believe that I have an awesome life… well I do, but that is not where it started.
At a very young age I was physically abused and passed around for others pleasure. For years I suffered at the hands of men and women who loves to play head games with me before during and after the physical and sexual abuse. I endured that from the time I was a small toddler until I was about 14. Finally after some different circumstances I was able to get away from those who abused me, but the damage was done.
I was a wounded, broken, tattered, girl. I lived life scared and not trusting anyone but desperate for someone to love me. I had a very warped sense of what love was but I was looking for someone to love me and value me because I couldn’t. See, I saw myself as dirty, less than, ugly, a whore, a joke and I hated myself. I, in fact wished I could die. I figured it would make my life easier. Death had not come during those years and I prayed for it everyday, I just figured this was my punishment. I so wanted to be the “good girl” I swore I would be good but because of my brokenness that even seemed to elude me.
Because of my brokenness and self hatred and trying to make my past go away I stepped into the realm of drinking and drugs to help numb the pain and memories. I found myself in relationships I didn’t want but wanted to be “good enough” and “loved”. It seemed it life was just a chaotic mess and anything I did was not good enough and some how I had this stamp on my forehead that let’s others know that. It seemed I had been set up by life and anything I did or touched brought death and darkness.
For years and years I lived running from my past, myself and searching for something. Not even knowing what is was… just some where to fit in, to be loved, to be accepted.
Then one day I had an encounter with my higher power. (I am not sure who your high power is but mine is God) I had never had an encounter like that before but when that encounter was done, I knew I was loved. Really loved! With every fiber in my being I knew. Although I wanted to be fixed right then, I knew I would be okay. During this encounter I felt I was shown that I had to walk out a healing journey. The journey wouldn’t be easy but it would bring me the depth and character of who I was truly meant to be. That not only would I find healing but that I would find the wisdom and tools to be able to reach others and offer them what I had experienced and be the LOVE and SAFE PLACE that others are looking for. So, I allowed myself to take this journey. It was the best thing I ever did. I can say that I have truly fought to become the woman I am but I can also say… I LOVE MYSELF !!! No more hiding… no more masks to wear.. I am happy, loved, accepted, whole, healed… and I continue to work on me daily. I have my ups and downs and still have triggers… but I AM ME !!! My AUTHENTIC self.
I hope that where ever you are on your journey that you are moving forward in a good and positive way. If you’re not maybe that is why you were lead to this website and page and you need someone to “hear” you.
I would love to hear your story…. please go to firstname.lastname@example.org and share it with me. I would love to celebrate your life with you. In even the darkest of days we have something to celebrate.
#liveandlovelife #beauthentic #icanhelpyou #letmebeyoursafeplace